Twilight meets Invader Zim
by xXannabellXx
Summary: Bella, sick of Jacob and Edward arguing, runs away to wherever Invader Zim takes place. SUPER SECRET COUPLE AT THE END! This really makes fun of Twilight, but not IZ, so don't read it if you don't like that.
1. Runaway

**I do not own Twilight or Invader Zim. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. NOTE: THIS DOES MAKE FUN OF TWILIGHT, AND A LOT. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT.**

Bella scanned through her e-mails on her iPod. Almost all of them were from her mom:

Subject: BELLA I HEARD YOU RAN AWAY

Subject: BELLA ANSWER ME NOW

Subject: BELLA, I GOT A JOB AT THE STRIP CLUB! ;)

Bella rolled her eyes and clicked on the first one:

Your father told me you ran away! WHY? Was it because of that Edwart boy, or whatever his name was? Are you pregnant? I told you to be safe! Respond ASAP

The second:

Bella! It's been forty-four point fifty-nine seconds now, and you haven't responded! ARE YOU DEAD? OH SWEET JESUS, MY BABY GIRL IS PREGNANT AND DEAD! If you don't respond within the next twenty seconds, I'll call the police! I will! I'll do it and say your dad killed you because he found out about how you were pregnant! Ha! There! I already called them, and used your dad's name! NOW HIS LIFE WILL BE HORRIBLE, BECAUSE HE KILLED MY BABY GIRL! ... THE BABY GIRL WHO I THOUGHT WAS A BOY FOR FIVE YEARS AND WHO I HIT OVER THE HEAD AND POURED BEER DOWN HER THROAT AND NOW SHE CAN'T GO WITHOUT FALLING FOR THIRTY SECONDS!

Before reading the third, Bella sat her iPod down and felt the bump on her head where her mom always hit her. She traced the bump with her fingers, smiling. _My dear mother, _She thought, memories running through her mind. The third:

Bella, in order to deal with the emotional impact of losing both my daughter and my grand-baby, I have decided to do all I can to make myself an empty shell! I got a job stripping for perverts who are easily thirty years older than me! And my boss gave me the cutest little hooker boots!

Bella turned off her iPod and thought about why she ran away. The fact that Forks was easily the most stupid town name certainly didn't hurt her decision to run away, but Jacob and Edward had been fighting, _again_.

"YOU STUPID OLD PERVERT! YOU'RE LIKE, TWO HUNDRED! STOP TRYING TO MARRY BELLA AND REGISTER FOR A SEXUAL MOLESTER LOG!" Jacob had screamed at Edward. Edward glared at him and took out his teeth whitening strips to retaliate.

"I'm _a lot_ hotter than you, Jacob! No one thought you were hot until you got your hair cut, anyway! No one liked you until the second movie!" Edward hissed.

"REAL MEN DON'T SPARKLE!"

"REAL MEN DON'T TURN INTO FAT-ASS PIT BULLS!" Edward screamed back. Yes, instead of a werewolf, Jacob turned into a pit bull. Not a cute, furry, big-eyed pit bull- an ugly one. A face only an obsessed fan girl stalker could love. Bella just sat in the background, with a facial expression that made it seem like while she'd prefer to be somewhere else, but she wasn't going to make an attempt to stop her two stalker boyfriends from ripping each other's heads off. She packed up some stuff and went to a bus station.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SHE'D LEAVE? WHERE IS SHE?" Edward screamed at Alice. She glared at him.

"BECAUSE YOU MADE FUN OF ME WHILE I WAS ON MY PERIOD!"

"YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! YOU DON'T HAVE PERIODS!"

A bell rang, and Bella saw her train was about to leave. She got up and walked on. Despite the fact that she herself was extremely bland and antisocial, every guy on the train was hitting on her. She pepper-sprayed any guy that dared get into a five-foot radius of her, and one girl (who, in Bella's defense, was quite manlike). The train stopped a remarkable distance away from Forks. She got off to be tackled by a green talking dog.

"YOU SMELLS LIKE TACOS!" It screamed. A green kid with a back-pack thing pulled the dog off of her.

"I'm terribly sorry, _filthy human-monster!_ My dog is...Not good."

"Hey, you have a house, don't you?" Bella asked.

"Yeeeees. Just like any other _filthy human_!" Zim screamed.

"Perfect. I'm staying there." Bella said flatly. Zim gave her a strange look.

"No, I don't want you there!" Zim whimpered.

"Yes, I'm staying there! I don't have anywhere else to go! I'm staying there or I'll scream! I'll scream rape!" Bella threatened. Zim seemed desperately confused.

"I dunno what that even means!"

"RAPE! RAPE! GET OFF ME YOU PERVERT! OH SWEET JESUS, RAPE! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Bella screamed. Zim shushed her, trying to calm her tantrum.

"Fine, fine! You can stay at my house, just stop screaming!"

**I know this part is short, I'm trying the idea for now.**


	2. Cursed Roast of DOOM

**That's right. I shot the disclaimer and collected his life insurance. I do not own IZ or twilight.**

Chapter Two

Bella stood in Zim's kitchen, cooking. She had been cooking for only ten minutes, but had already prepared standing rib roast. She either didn't notice or didn't care that Zim rose out of the toilet. A second after he did, he fell to the ground, clutching his nose.

"What's that..._putrid _smell?" He gasped. Bella gestured toward the roast. He cried out, and started scooting away from it.

"I-I can't eat that! I'm a...oh, what's it called...vege-chair-ian!"

"But..." Bella said,"I made it. You _will_ eat it, Zim. And you will like it." He gave her a look of mortal terror and pleading. She scooped a ridiculous portion onto a plate and started walked toward him.

Dib couldn't help but laugh. Hearing his obnoxious laugh, Gaz paused to see what he was laughing at. Zim had showed up for school almost completely covered in bandages. He saw Dib and ran toward him.

"Dib-stink!" He gasped,"I need your help!"

"Me? Help _you_? You have got to be joking."

"No, I'm not! I need your advice! I've noticed you drive away all human females!" -Gaz snickered at that- "How do you do that?" Zim asked. Dib almost thought Zim was joking, but he realized Zim was almost in tears.

"Please, Dib-worm!" Zim got down on his knees in front of Dib. Gaz whispered to Dib,

"He's down! You can kick him now!" Dib ignored this idea, and went back to Zim.

"Why? Do you have an issue with a girl, or something?"

"Bella is her name! She won't leave my house, and forced her _filthy cooking_ down my throat!" Zim squeaked. He seemed desperate.

"Jeez, Zim, sounds like you have a stalker," Gaz murmured. She was, again, was ignored.

"Why was she at your house in the first place?" Dib asked.

"Gir and I were a the bus station and he tackled her, and she asked me if I had a house! I said yes, just like any other revolting pig smelly! She said she would stay there, and I said no, and she started screaming about apes!"

"Wait a second," Gaz interrupted,"Did she say _ape_ or _rape_? Dib and I were at the bus station, and some chick was screaming rape."

"Yeah, that's what she said! Anyway, she told Gir she had run away from home, and she forced meat down my throat!" Zim loosened one of the bandages to reveal that his skin had a puffy, gross rash. Gaz had a quick intake of breath, clearly trying to hide a laughing fit. Dib felt sick. The bell rang and they had to go back into the school.

_(*Flash in*)_

"No, I just mean-" Edward protested.

"NO! YOU DON'T MEAN ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID! I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHERE SHE WENT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE!" Alice screamed.

"What am I apologizing for?"

"YOU KNOW!"

"NO, I DON'T! I NEVER MADE FUN OF YOU FOR YOUR PERIOD BECAUSE YOU _ARE A VAMPIRE AND THEREFORE DO NOT GET PERIODS!_"

_(*Flash out*)_

Dib sighed and Gaz snickered. This was becoming a regular pattern for them. They were sitting at a booth in the mall, with Zim across from them. Zim had a slushy, but hadn't touched it. Gaz, who had sucked down both her own and Dib's, snatched it. Zim just went on about how horrible Bella was.

"I mean, I can see why she'd want to stay- I _am_ completely irresistible -but she's horrible!"

"Zim, I don't think there's anything I can do." Dib said. Zim ignored his comment.

"All she does that_ doesn't_ fatally harm me is talk about her stupid vampire boyfriend!" Zim ranted. No matter how many exclamation points, capitals, or italics I put, Zim's deep hatred for the pale shaky girl still could not be expressed in writing, reading, or dancing with wooden clogs. Dib looked up, suddenly attentive. It was comparable to a dog's ears perking up after it appeared to be asleep.

"Her boyfriend is a vampire?" Dib asked. Gaz went to go get another slushy.

"Yeah, and she lead on some werewolf dude-"

"A vampire _and_ a werewolf? I need to meet her!" Dib gasped. Gaz scoffed when she saw that 'paranormal' glint in his eyes.

"Pft. I still think you should have kicked Zim while you had the chance." Both Dib and Zim ignored her comment. She sat back down and started sucking down the slushy. While Zim ranted about how horrible Bella was and how disgusting human relationships were, Dib motioned for Gaz to give him a drink of the slushy. She growled at him and held the slushy closer.

"If you didn't_ want _to come, why _did_ you?" Dib asked, throwing Gaz a suspicious glance.

"I wanted to see what kind of psycho would want to move in with Zim." Gaz replied. They arrived in front of the bizarre house. Gaz eyed the pipes coming out of it, and wondered how everyone was so stupid as to not notice that there was _something_ off about Zim. Zim, Dib, and Gaz all walked in the door. Bella was on the couch, watching Mysterious Mysteries.

"Do you usually watch this show?" Dib asked, curiosity getting the better of him. Bella looked up at him for a second to reply.

"No. But, after I found out half the town was immortal, I started looking further into things," She murmured. Gaz felt a wave of irritation. Dib being a paranormal-idiot was more than enough damage to the town, but this 'Bella' chick too? Dib sat down on the couch beside her. She looked at him for a second, then started building a pillow-fort to separate them. She ended up also having to use couch cushions, but she eventually got the fort all around her. She peeked out, looking like a two year-old. Gaz got out her Game Slave. Zim was quiet from fear around Bella. After a five minute silence, Bella hissed,

"_Hey! Hey, goth chick! Over here!_" Gaz looked up from her game, annoyed. She walked over to the opening in the pillow-fort.

"Whaddaya want?" Gaz asked flatly.

"That Zim kid? He's an alien!" Bella hissed. Gaz smacked her palm to her forehead and walked away. She considered going back to the corner of the room she had been in, or just simply walking out of the house, but she decided she didn't want two paranormal idiots within a hundred foot radius of her. She approached Zim, who was curled up in a fetal position in the darkest corner of the room, hoping Bella wouldn't see him.

"Zim! We need her out of here!" Gaz whispered. He snapped out of the disturbed mood and looked up at her.

"But how?"

"Do you know why she left home, anyway?" Gaz asked.

"Something about her dad being stupid and her boyfriends arguing." They were so absorbed in trying to find a way to get rid of her, they didn't notice Dib trying to talk to Bella ("Ya'know, you seemed _really_ attractive at first, but now you're just pale and shaky and you look sad _all the time._ Why do guys like you anyway?... And are you on meth?")

Bella stayed in her anti-social pillow fort, Dib just watched the rerun of Mysterious Mysteries, and Gaz and Zim tried to plot a way to get rid of Bella.

Gaz sighed. Was getting rid of Bella worth this? She almost got out of the booth (the one she, Zim, and Dib had been at the day before) and walked away, but memories of Dib cursing her like a paranormal lab rat came to her mind, and she stayed put. If one para-idiot could do that, what would two do? She set her jaw and sat back down in the chair. Perfect timing, because the door to the mall slowly opened (it was one of those god-awful _mechanical_ doors) and Zim marched in screaming,

"_I AM ZIM!_" Gaz considered sticking her head in a hole in the ground, rather than be caught alone with Zim. She stayed where she was, wanting desperately to get rid of Bella. Okay, I know what you're thinking! It's a huge hole in the story, as to why Gaz hates Bella so much, right? WRONG! Gaz directed some of her anger at Dib to Bella- and let's face it, that little girl has _a lot_ of anger, so just a tiny fraction of this Dib-anger was more fury than most humans could hold. Zim marched to the booth and sat down across form Gaz. Too late to run away.

"So, _EARTH-WORM_, I have made a contract for our partnership in getting rid of the Bella-Beast." Zim smacked a contract in front of Gaz. She scrolled through it in an amazingly short amount of time- because this is _my_ story, and I choose how long it takes her to read it. A few significant rules:

"You will not allow _ZIM_ to be hurt until the Beast is extinguished.

Don't tell your brother. He is annoying and I don't want to hear him going on about something when he finds out we're working together.

You can't beat me up until _after_ this is over with.

Don't become friends with the Bella-Beast. Trust me, it's better for you if you don't." Gaz took out a pen and scribbled down a few rules of her own:

"Don't do any experiments on me.

You will call me Gaz until this is over. Not 'inferior pig smelly', not 'Gaz-' and then some stupid other part, not my real name. Just 'Gaz'.

Try not to pick any fights until this is over.

Don't get my brother involved with this. I don't want to hear him either, and I _live with him._" She slid the contract back over to Zim, who, after reading them, signed the bottom of the paper. She did the same thing.

"GAZ! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING! WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?" Dib screeched the moment Gaz walked in the door.

"I've been out." She replied flatly. He started rambling about some head vampire group in Italy.

"Sounds like a vampire mafia," Gaz observed, not bothering to put emotion in her voice. He nodded, and made a happy-squeaky noise.

Bella set a cactus on the windowsill. She smiled at the ugly green plant. She brought cacti from home to remind her of Florida. Her smile widened when she remembered male prostitutes her mother had beaten to death with that cactus. _My dear mother, _She thought for the second time in this story. She looked around the kitchen, seeing Gir sitting at the table, scribbling on the newspaper.

She sighed, and sat down next to him. It had been difficult to sleep without Edward in her bed. She had to sleep in the freezer ever since she got there. She almost got frostbite every night, but her character was _very_ angst-y, so she didn't care. She had fallen six times in the three steps from the windowsill to the table, but she didn't care. She tried to stand up, but the table gave out and landed on top of her, after she fell again. After crawling out from under the table, the refrigerator crushed her ribs. When she got out from that, the knife drawer that was there for some unknown reason fell on her, causing her to be stabbed multiple times. By the time she made it to the couch in the living room, she was sure her spine was protruding from her skin. She shook it off.

She got out her cell phone. She had run away, but she still talked to Angela (Or whatever that stupid chick's name was...). She dialed the familiar number. After about seventy rings, Angela picked up.

"_What the hell do you want, you dumb fat-ass?_" Bella couldn't help but smile about how loving her friends were.

"Hi, Angela, it's me!"

"_Mi?_ Okay, man, I told you, my supplier said it was _real!_ If it wasn't, take it up with him!" Angela sounded truly terrified.

"No, me-Bella!"

"Ooooooh, hey honey! You still at that kid's house?"

"Yeah. Got, I swear, he's totally _all over me!_ It's border line creepy." Bella said, talking about Zim. She couldn't see that he'd prefer acid to be 'all over her' than himself, or any other person. Somewhere in that warped mind, she thought Zim really was in love with her.


	3. Epic Fourth Wall Breaking

As usual, everyone felt calm when Jasper stepped into the room. This calm stopped Edward's and Alice's screaming. They felt like they wanted to be angry with him for controlling their emotions, but couldn't. It was like people with that one president- they loved him during his term, no matter how incompetent he really and truly was, but some people love him EVEN NOW, even thought HE WAS HORRIBLE, JUST BECAUSE HE LIVED IN THE WHITE HOUSE. *Whew*...Now that that run-on's done and over with, let's return to this semi-plot less story!

"You've been screaming at each other for over forty-three hours..._And I HAVE been counting,_" Jasper hissed. "Why don't you just go get Bella?"

"She won't come, _even if_ we knew where she was. Alice _refuses to tell me_." Edward said.

"Can't that mut kid just go sniff her out?" Jasper suggested, smacking his hand to his forehead in an exasperated gesture.

"I...NO! I will never work with _him_!" Edward screamed. _God, _Jasper thought, _He's like a _teenage girl_...OH! That's how I'll get him to leave!_

"_Yeeeeah_...But...Won't you look _much_ better with someone by your side? Someone worse looking than you?" Jasper said sneakily. "So good, in fact, that Bella may run away to Vegas and marry you?..." Jasper trailed off, but it didn't matter, because Edward had already ran out the door.

Edward ran through the woods. He would appear as nothing more than a streak of color, except for when he stopped and used his inhaler. Other than that, he was totally fast. He smiled, thinking of what good this did his modern Elvis Presley/Bad Boy hair. An older version of Bambi crossed his path. He considered eating it, but decided on a conveniently placed 1600's goat sacrifice instead. Bambi, realizing what danger he had just escaped, muttered something Disney would _never_ allow, and scampered off.

"I'm coming Bella," Edward assured no one,"I'm c-BLEH! BUG! I SWALLOWED A BUG! I REALLY SHOULDN'T TALK WHILE I DO THIS!"

Bella played with the ring on her left ring finger. She snickered, wondering how Edward would take the news that she had gotten married the night before. Maybe she could do like the men with four or five wives, and marry all the guys constantly hitting on her? She _was_ the one who wore the pants when it came to her and Edward...

Jacob tried to get the motorcycle to start again, but it refused. He growled, in the human-angry way (Kinda like your dad when he _really_ wants to hit you, but there's a police officer in the room, ya'know?). He shrugged, and picked the entire thing up with one hand. A group of adoring Team Jacob fan girls all got out their cell phones and cameras and began recording him. He sighed, irritated, and took off his shirt. If he didn't take off his shirt at least once an hour, someone was going to get stabbed by those crazy fan girls.

Edward came out of the woods. The fan girls all gasped, and got out a variety of blunt weapons. They were quickly escorted off the premises by a security guard. Edward walked up to Jacob, trying to look like the cold bad boy who secretly was totally loving on the inside that girls die for.

"Jacob. If you want to get Bella back, come with me." There was a gasping sound from people in the audience, then, to everyone's irritation, a loud ring tone that featured a Jamaican guy singing (It's ALWAYS a Jamaican guy singing! Am I the only one who thinks that?).

"GAZ! THERE'S A VAMPIRE AND A WEREWOLF WITHIN A FIFTY MILE RADIUS OF HERE! WHERE ARE MY SILVER BULLETS AND GARLIC?"

"I always kinda figured you were eating all that garlic. Thought it would explain why girls want away from you so much," Gaz said coldly, in a humorlessly sarcastic way.

"...And the silver bullets?" Dib yelled from the other room.

"I used those on myself when I realized I had to share a house with you until one of us moves!" Gaz yelled back. Dib sighed. At least she hadn't made fun of his head. As if reading his mind, she added,

"You have a big head!" She unpaused her Game Slave. After scoring 47,298 points, she saved it and put it up (for once). A vampire and a werewolf in the area meant someone was coming for Bella. She called Zim.

"Zim! Someone's coming for Bella!"

"What? But I already had a plan!" Zim said. Gaz tried hanging up then, but Zim told her she had to come to help him disable something. She growled, but didn't say anything. Helping Zim wasn't on her list of priorities, but getting rid of Bella was worth it. Dib followed her out the door. Gaz let him come, thinking that maybe he'd get killed by the vampire, or the werewolf.

Edward busted through the odd restroom door, dragging Jacob, who was on a leash, behind him. Zim, Gir, Gaz, Dib, and Bella were all standing around a strange looking machine. It was whirring.

"HOW WOULD A DIMENSION-TRAVELING MACHINE HELP US GET RID OF BELLA?" Someone yelled.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Zim screamed back.

"YOU TRIED TO GET RID OF MY WIFE?" Gir yelled. Everything paused for a second so everyone could absorb what Gir had just said.

"You...and Bella...?" Gaz said.

"Yep. Last night. We flew all the way to Nevada," Bella said dully. She smiled, and held up her ring finger. The machine unpaused, and there was a bright light.

"WE DISABLED IT WRONG! IT'S GOING TO TAKE US TO A DIFFERENT DIMENSION!" Zim screamed, as they were all thrown into a weird space time swirly-thing-er.

"NO DUH, GENIUS!" Gaz yelled, as they landed on a bed in a different dimension. They were in a bedroom. Despite the heavy metal music playing, the walls were painted a soft purple. The walls were covered in posters. Harry Potter posters took up an entire wall, then there was a black-light poster and a Twilight poster. In the corner of the room, a blond teenager was typing something. She heard them land on her bed, turned around, and started screaming.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!- Oh, hey, nice Invader Zim cos-play costumes." She looked at the IZ characters, taking a second to scowl at the Twilight cast. She grabbed Gir and started cuddling him like a stuffed animal.

"Where are we?" Gaz asked.

"There are a lot of answers for that...Unfortunately, I hit my head a lot, and am unable to think of any good responses." The blond said.

"O-_kay_...What's your name?" Gaz asked.

"Hmm. I should say something ridiculous, like Princess of the Fluffy Peoples, but I'm kind of scared of you, so I'll tell the truth. My name's Annabell. Yours?"

"Gaz."

"No, your real name." Annabell said, still hugging Gir.

"That _is_ my real name." Gaz said. Annabell seemed to consider this.

"Prove it...What's your real name? Like, your full name?"

"Gazlene."

"What animal did you stare at every Christmas?"

"A dog."

"Um..." Annabell was starting to look like a real stalker. "What book were you reading when Zim tried to make you look at 'Pustulio' and become hypnotized?"

" '_Punch Harder_'. "

"Show me your Game Slave." Gaz dug a Game Slave out of her pocket. She flipped the switch on, and the screen lit up. Annabell stared at it for a second.

"It may be that I took a flying leap over the edge of sanity years ago...But I think you may be the real Gaz." She bit her lip for a second, then started screaming again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW THE HELL IS THIS POSSIBLE!" She hugged Gir harder for a second. "Oh, you're such a cutie!...Anyway, back to screaming-"

"No, wait!" Dib said, not wanting her to start screaming again. "Umm...What are you typing?"

"A Twilight parody...It's also a crossover, but...I don't think you'd get that." Annabell kissed the top of Gir's head. Dib walked over to the screen. and stared at it for a moment.

"Oh my God...It say's everything that's happening right now! It show everything I'm saying right now, and- and- WHEN WILL IT ALL END?"

THE END

"No, wait a second!" Gaz snapped, pushing the giant 'THE END' sign out of the way. "That's a horrible ending!"

"Hmm...You're right." Annabell admitted. She tackled Zim, a stole laser gun out of his PAK, then shot Bella, Edward, and Jacob."MWA HA HA HA HA HA! THAT'S A GOOD ENDING!"

THE END (FOR REAL THIS TIME)


End file.
